convictions

"Just hang in there! Sometimes it's not what we know that matters, it's what our heart tells us. Follow your convictions...His Spirit will enable you. Believe in Him!"
...another advice i got from ronald last night.

convictions...i remember leaving my previous job because of it. it felt good. i felt brave. i felt free. only to bump against the four walls of a new territory that's slowly closing in on me. a period of adjustment at first --- shock, catching-up, paranoia, reminiscence, yearning. now i'm beginning to feel at home and relaxed. i'm definitely enjoying the most out of it but somehow, in the deepest part of me, i can feel a tiny resistance. it had kept me leashed, although almost thread-bare already. so i guess i still have them...convictions. but most of the time i push them away, kept them for future use. i can surely say i could use them right now. i just wish i have the heart to put them out again.

vLo0o0o0opeR

i accidentally deleted the very first comment i received on my blog. dumb-dy-dumb-dumb...
pero tandang-tanda ko pa, sabi ni mara ganito...aliw ang blogs mo! :-)

i'd be very happy if you post comments. if not, i'd still be blogging happily.







pleeeeeeeeeaze.... ;)

at the end of the day...

nakakapagod palang mag-inventory ng parts, buong araw. pero as expected, nag-enjoy naman ako kasi nga medyo mahilig akong mag-sort. naalala ko kapag umaandar na yung pagka- OC-OC ko (obsessive-compulsive) , kakantahan ako ni peach nang , "Alin? Alin? Alin ang naiba?" (from Batibot). theme song ko daw yun, heh heh...

gusto kong bumili nang gitara pero wala akong pambili. gusto kong gumimik pero wala akong pang-gimik. haaay...
bago ko makalimutan, salamat mara sa iyong pagkukumento sa aking blog. likewise, aliw na aliw din ako sa istilo ng pagsusulat mo.

i'm lost, but not really...

bangenge

halos matatapos na ang oras sa opisina at wala naman talaga akong ginawa. ayoko nang mag-basa pa. ayoko nang mag-panggap. ang tanging nasa isip ay ang pag-re-replay ng mga nangyari kagabi. sangkatutak na piktyurs ang dumating sa email (ang galing talaga ng digital age noh?!). madaming potential na "bold stars"!!! caught on video din ang mga main attractions ng kaganapan kagabi. boses ko ang nagmistulang background sa mga ito. hindi sa pagkanta kundi sa pag-sigaw! ibang klaseng release pala ang pag-sigaw. buti di ako nawalan ng ka-bosesan. binisita kami ng baranggay tanod, me nag-reklamo na kasi sa ingay. hirap naman kontrolin nun lalo na pag kantahan na. sabi nila, meron pa daw nambato sa bahay. matapos ang mala-Bench "Understatement" pictorial ng mga guyz sa labas, larga kami sa plaza. nag-posing-posing sa stage. meron ding showdown. puro mga nag-pasaway ang mga kalalakihan at nagsilbing satisfied audience naman ang mga kababaihan! alas-dos na rin ng umaga natapos ang parteyh. at bago pa magsipag-uwian mula sa plaza, me lost and found munang eksena. may naka-idlip sa basketball court. buti meron pang may sense samen at nakapansin na hindi pa nakakauwi sa bahay, kundi baka wala siyang kalabanlaban at mapagpiyestahan siya ng mga bading dun. heh-heh...weird, kasi hindi ako ganun kaantok sa kabila ng 3 oras na tulog at kung-ilang bote ng alak...nakapag-linis pa kami ng bahay kaninang umaga. ayos!!!

yebbah!!!

...six o'clock na...party na mamaya sa staffhouse...todo jamming na mamaya...uwian na sa bahay bukas...makikita ko na si rin-rin...Pasko na sa december 25 (duh?!?)

band update: Alfred's Evolution
kumpleto na din kombo namin. from "Denkins" drums (kung di mo gets basahin mo LINGER-ing moments, posted december 20, 2004) to brand new "Miles" keyboard!!! kabibili lang ni Alfred nito kagabi. nasample-lan na nga kaninang lunch break. for sure mapapasabak mamaya sa party. di na po mapipigilan. seryoso na po kami. siguro kelangan nang pag-isipan ng grupo ang pangalan ng banda.

ang sarap talagang mangarap :)

blah-blah-blah

meron palang light pollution!!!???!!! read for yourself: http://whyfiles.org/shorties/055darksky/index.html

aliw na aliw pa naman ako sa mga kumukuti-kutitap na mga kabahayan ng mga artista na na-feature sa unang hirit. pero yun nga lang, kelangan mag-ingat kasi baka magaya kina speaker de venecia. wawa naman.

grabe na. nadadagdagan na ang mga bisyo ko. battle realms naman ngayon, 2 consecutive nights na ito. my bad...tsk...tsk...tsk...sobrang antok tuloy ako buong araw. di ko na maintindihan readings ko. sa kabila ng paulit-ulit, pabalik-balik sa isang paragraph, parang may natatandaan naman ako na pwedeng magpaiba sa mga computations ko. enlightenment kumbaga! basahin ko na lang ulit bukas. dapat di na magpuyat ngayon. kelangan maagang matapos ang mga labahin. haaay...

kagabi, sa sobrang tuwa ko, plinano ko na na bumili ng drums na laruan kaya sinadya ko talaga si SM. nakabili naman ako at sa excitement eh nabinyagan na agad sa jamming kagabi pagkatapos mag-battle realms.

kelangan prumeno-preno ng kaunti...baka kasi career-rin ko ang pag-awit. nyahkks!!!

LINGER-ing moments...

Christmas party last saturday was great! the food was good. the peeps looked gorgeous, stunning (and glittery!) in their clothes. i bet the beauty parlors were packed that day! the staff presentation was super fun --- the crowd favorites were the QA-Engineering group, no doubt! it obviously became the highlight of the night. we missed recording it on aris' phone though. there were many good dancers from the production department and watching them made me wanna dance on my seat. yes, i was just enjoying the dancing from afar, along with john and adrian. we arrived at the staffhouse around 3:30 a.m. i got my max lucado book in the exchange gift. i won a desk fan in the raffle.

the next best thing for me in the party was the, should i call it, mini-concert. aris, edan, edward on guitars, john on "egg-shakers" (o_O) and tambourine, alfred on custom-designed "Denkins (mineral water) drums", and mark and me on vocals. this is one of my dream-fantasy. i admire live band performers on bars and wish i was like them too. it came true for me that night, to be able to sing in front of the crowd. a mixture of nervousness and excitement but the feeling was great during and after the set. we sang "torete", "as long as it matters", and "linger". it didn't matter to me if i missed some lines or probably went out of note. what matters is i did it, live band! wohoooo!!! we weren't able to perform our second set in the closing number because most of the people are already leaving and others are getting ready for the dance floor. there're still "She Will Be Loved", "Sway", "With or Without You" in the song line-up. but it's all well...this next best thing is enough to make my night. okay, i've changed my mind...this is my personal BEST thing for the night.

komedi sa opis

mga 30 minutes pa lang ang nakakalipas ay may isang napakalaking BLOOPER sa opisina. ang mga cast ay sila aris, alfred, at ang inyong ahem, magandang lingkod! syempre blog ko ito kaya i'm free to write anything to my advantage. pwede naman kayong mag-post ng comment eh. anyway, ganito kasi iyun...

Christmas party na mamaya. nag-ka-cram sa pagpra-practice ng kanta. i cannot deny na excited ako pero kinakabahan pa rin. original na song line-up ay "Linger", Torete" at "Sway". kaninang umaga lang merong mga bagong suggestions. "MYMP" daw kasi mas bagay sa boses ko, pati "Burn" kasi gusto ko yun. inabutan kami ng technical adviser na nagpra-practice at kinabahan ang lahat dahil office hours pa. pero okey lang naman pala sa kanya kaya tinuloy namin sa kabilang room dahil merong silang mahalagang pinag-uusapan tungkol sa isang product. "Burn" ang kanta. syempre merong medyo birit dun. napansin namin na merong papel na siningit sa ilalim ng pinto at nakasulat "Si Sir Shunji Nandito". ( si sir shunji ang may-ari ng kompanya). nag-panic, bigla kaming tumigil at lumabas sa back door. swerte si aris kasi bumalik siya sa loob gamit ang main door, parang galing lang siya sa CR kaya di mahahalata. naiwan kami 2 ni alfred na di makabalik dahil naiwan niya ang uniform sa L300. ako naman, pihadong narinig yung pag-kanta ko at dahil ako lang ang babae sa eng'g at wala pa ako sa desk ko, obvious na iisipin niya ako yun. matagal din kaming nagtago ni alfred sa likuran ng powerhouse. sa me basurahan. mainit pa naman. parehong takot sumilip kung nandun pa si sir sa office. naghihintay na lang kami na labasin ni aris. lumabas nga si aris kasama si eman at pinagtawanan kami...

natawa din kami sa sarili namin kasi alam na pala ni sir na may tao sa training room na kumakanta at nag-gi-gitara dahil medyo matagal na siya dun at nagtanong pa kay adrian bago pa mapaalam sa amin ni adrian na andun nga si sir. at nasabi ni eman na ako yun. sumilip pa daw tapos sabi, "No one???" at di pa nakuntento kaya pumasok pa sa loob at sumilip sa back-door. kaya pala may narinig kami na parang nagbukas ng pinto. imagine, ang nadatnan niya sa training room. 3 gitara, copy ng song with chords, 6600, mug with coffee --- mga ebidensiya! kahit sino naman talaga magtataka. anu yun, multo ang narinig niya?!?!

ganun lang naman ang nangyari. sobrang natatawa na lang ako at minor na lang ang kaba. actually, masaya! sabi nga ni alfred, parang high school daw. yung tipong nagtatago sa teacher dahil nag-cutting. iniisip ko na lang meron namang spirit of Christmas si sir kaya palalampasin na lang niya itong eksenang ito. matuwa na lang sana siya sa performance namin mamaya, yun na lang ang pambawi...

white oleander...and more

heard this movie was good. i read it's synopsis and it became one of the vcd's i wanted to add up to my collection. but since i just started with my new work and is on a tight budget i wasn't able to buy vcd's like i used to. anyway, i had the chance to say it for myself when i was browsing cable channel 2 saturdays ago and recognized it instantly at wowow . missed at least 3 minutes of the start of the film. being the cry-baby that i am, it moved me to tears.

on the otherhand, the movie left me with two questions. first is about the criminal investigation in the U.S. and second is their social service system.

when astrud (michelle pfieffer's daughter in the movie) was shot by her first foster mother, there were no follow-up investigations. i expected the police will catch the suspect but it just ended there. watching too many hollywood crime films , i thought the case is too easy for them to settle. ala-CSI! to be satisfied i just said to myself that they just didn't show it in the movie since it's not the focus of the story. period. the end.

but the next one...

coming from a social service institution for abused children, i became familiar with some basic considerations for foster care and family reintegration. i just have to make it clear that i am not a former client in the institution, but a kinder teacher, my previous work (i missed my kindies). i noticed in the movie that astrud did some foster home-hopping, three in all. why in the world did she live in those kinds of families? the first and last families she'd been seemed dysfunctional. don't they screen the families before entrusting the child to their foster care?

in the first one, her foster mother has a live-in partner, 2 other foster kids, and a typical teenage rebel daughter. not a big deal, the last one. just felt like mentioning it. the mother was a former alcoholic and drug user (if i remembered it correctly). guess i was trying to relate the situation in the Philippines...and i still have my mindset on sexually abused children, that they wouldn't put the child in that kind of family. but then again that's America! it's the norm, live-in partners. besides, astrud's not sexually abused.

everybody deserves a second chance...a third, a fourth, an nth chance...so i think being an former alcoholic is not a deciding factor there. and rehabs are common. but when the green-eyed monster jealousy came, she just lost control and shot astrud...

happens to everyone, losing it and going back to the old ways. sigh...

the third foster home made my eyes pop-up so much at it's absurdity. again i asked, "don't they screen the applicants?". don't they do some background investigations first? the first time astrud saw the lady from afar, she instantly chose her to be her next mom. the social worker even asked if she was sure. looks to me it's more of a question that came out of the impression she made of astrud's choice . at first look i myself can't help but think that the lady she chose was sort of odd. i was wrong. it turned out worse, because she drove astrud along with 2 other girls not far from her age, to make a living. like the ukay-ukay here in the Philippines. even astrud's clothes were put on sale without her consent. she resisted at first.

so many "why's?" and "huh's???". after some thoughts i just said to myself, "oh well..."

so there. am not sure if this can pass for a film critic. am not sure either if it's "critic" or "critique"...and i don't even know how to end this right. just see the movie for yourself. the big question is, will i still buy the film?

hmmmn...like i said, i liked it. i would still want to watch it again. or maybe when i get a raise i'll buy a copy. :)

questions: A. why is jealosy referred to as green-eyed monster? B. will i get a raise? :)

it's nice to know...

forwared email from my cousin but it's not her original composition:

The next time you feel like God cannot use you, just remember…Noah was a drunk… Abraham was too old… Isaac was a daydreamer… Jacob was a liar… Leah was ugly… Joseph was abused… Moses had a stuttering problem… Gideon was afraid… Samson had long hair and was a womanizer… Rahab was a prostitute… Jeremiah and Timothy were too young… David had an affair and was a murderer… Elijah had suicidal tendencies… Isaiah preached naked… Jonah ran away from God… Naomi was a widow… Job went bankrupt… John the Baptist ate bugs… Peter denied Christ… the Disciples fell asleep while praying… Martha worried about everything… the Samaritan woman was divorced more than once… Zacchaeus was too small… Paul was too religious… Timothy had an ulcer… Lazarus was dead…What do you have that’s worst than that?!So no more ExCuSeS!!!”,God can use you to your full potential just as He used them.Yes, Jesus loves you as you are… But HE loves you so much that He doesn’t want you to stay that way…

there's A LOT of hope for us all...God bless!

desperate measures

haha! sumali na ang QA sa Engineering for the Christmas party presentation sa 18. takot silang matalo eh. wehehe...tuwang-tuwa sila, super funny naman talaga eh. midgets, di na bago pero patok pa rin. :)

bago man lang umuwi ay nakatawa din ako. hindi ko pa rin mangitian ang project ko eh. ano nga bang mali? pano na yan? kaya ko ba 'to? dadating na si sir bukas. yaiks! natatakot talaga akong mapahiya. kung pwede lang takasan at umabsent eh. pwede kaso di maganda. ano kayang mangyayari bukas? i'm really desperate.

Lord, help! please po.

kyutie...heh heh...

share ko lang ilan sa mga nagpa-stretch ng mukha ko sa araw na ito...

9 out of 10 constipated people just don't give a shit.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes ? oo nga naman.! :)

kaso hanggang ngayon di pa rin ako maka-ngiti sa computations ko. ngayon ang deadline ko sa sarili ko. i refuse to die today. gets? ...ngekkk!!! i'm humoring myself. kilitiin ko na lang kaya sarili ko?

ooops teka, i can hear my conscience...wait...medyo nasasagap ko yung noise eh. ayan...medyo clear na...

"there's still hope yang. sabi nga ni wonald sa'yo na we are WATER WALKERS!!!"

wonald's messages never fail to inspire me and lift me up. :)

deadline

dadating na si sir next week. handa na ba ako? meron na nga ba akong ipre-present sa kanya? mali kaya ang formula na ginagamit ko? i'm giving myself 'til tomorrow para ma-figure out ko ito or mapaninndigan ko yung computations ko.

gusto kong makapag-isip sana sa staffhouse kaso pag andun na ako di ko na magawa. inaantok, nagbabasa ng harry potter, crossword, nood ng tv...counterstrike!!??!! maglalaro kaya ulit ngayon? naku! di ko napractice yung keys sa keyboard ko ngayon. heh heh. manghuhula na naman ako niyan sa pagbili ng weapon.

uwi muna ulit ako kasi ako na naman ang toka ngayon. ginisang pechay na lang kaya ulit? hmmm...bukas na lang din siguro ako maglalaba.

salamat...

...sa bagong eraser pen at "engineering" ruler (yung 15 cm na stainless steel) from sir watanabe. kala niya ata ME ako!
...kay kuya mon sa pag-explain at demo tungkol sa laser module. kelangan ko pang ma-explain kung bakit bilog ang output light at ang relationship nito sa distance
...kay kuya mon pa rin, sa pag-explain ng mga bagay tungkol sa MZ. nadagdagan na naman dapat gawin pero all for the best
...sa masarap na eggpie sa canteen! matagal-tagal na din silang hindi nagtitinda nun eh
...sa message ni wonald sa friendster. for his trust in my abilities. naks!ang drama nito.
...natututo na ako mag-AutoCad, courtesy of John and Aris.
...nag-eenjoy ako mag-AutoCad. next naman ang Inventor.
...nakalabas na sa hospital si jiel
...sa bagong baby monica namin
...kay rinrin, the tutang ligaw. natututo tuloy akong mag-linis ng poopoo nito sa umaga pag nasa bahay ako. baby pa kasi kaya nakakawawa naman patulugin sa labas


"in everything, give thanks"

miss ko na talaga si nanay

itong mga nakaraang linggo inatake ako ng pagka-miss sa nanay ko. kaninang umaga lalo na. maaga kasi akong gumising, nagpainit ng tubig pampaligo at nagprito ng torta at itlog. naaalala ko dati na gigising siya ng maaga para lang ipagluto ako ng agahan. di ako umaalis ng bahay ng di nagbre-breakfast. kahit na tinapay lang, siya pa ang pupunta sa bakery para bumili sa madaling araw. syempre yung pagtimpla ng kape ako na gumagawa. siya rin ang gumigising sa akin. hinahatid pa ako sa gate at inaantay na makasakay ng tricycle. ito yung isa sa mga bagay na di ko makakalimutan sa kanya. di siya nagbago kahit na medyo humina ang katawan niya nung nagkasakit ginagawa pa din niya ang responsibilidad niya na kung tutuusin ay pwede na namang hindi na niya gawin. kahit na college na ako hanggang sa magkatrabaho di siya nagsasawa sa pag-aasikaso. ganyan siya sa aming lahat.

siguro dala na din ng kapaskuhan kaya nagkakaganito ako. unang Paskong wala siya. ano kaya ang mangyayari? ano kaya ang nafi-feel ni tatay? kaya ba siya umiinom ulit ngayon dahil naiisip niya si nanay? di naman talaga dapat ikalungkot ang pagkawala niya sa buhay namin kasi nasa pinakamasayang lugar na siya ngayon. kahit pa alam na alam ko ito di ko pa rin maiwasang ma-miss siya.

miss you very much 'nay...

para sa magiging anak ko

a very important advice...

"Never let them take out your big toenail ingrowns."

the first time i lost my ingrown was when i was in 2nd year college. excited syempre pwede na magpalagay ng iba't-ibang kulay ng nail polish out in the open --- black, red (ewww, didn't like it), white, french tips, united colors of benetton, even sticker tattoos! those were the days! since then i've been been giving our neighbor manicurist/pedicurist a call kasi sumasakit yung toes dahil sa ingrowns ko, sa big toes lang naman lagi. at everytime din naman nasusugatan ako ng pedikurista. masakit pero okei lang. in fact di ko talaga pinatitigil hanggat me nafi-feel pa ako kahit na bloody na si big toe. iba naman kasing relief afterwards eh. sabi ng pedikurista sulit daw ako sa pagbabayad ko kasi talagang nagtatagal siya saken kasi dami ko daw dry skin tapos malalim pa ingrown ko.

ngayon i'm doing this myself dahil di ko na siya mahagilap. ayoko kasi sa iba dahil hindi nito gamay ang paa ko. saka minsan na nagpa foot spa ako with pedicure sa reyes haircutters, inokray-okray ba naman ako!!! sabihin ba naman na " operasyon daw yung ginagawa niya" kasi nga ang lalim ng ingrowns ko. at brinoadcast pa niya yun. hmph...di ko nga binigyan ng tip (as if naman nagbibigay ako!).

i'll get to my point. naisip ko na dati pa na kung hindi ako nagpatanggal ng ingrowns in the first place, hindi din sasakit ito regularly dahil tumutubo na naman. pwede naman cleaning ng nails sa surface lang eh. lagi kasi ako nasusugatan. minsan nga naiisip ko na baka ang ikamatay ko eh yung tetanus dahil sa sugat sa paa. baka me rust pa yung nipper na nagamit. or kaya baka mahawa ako ng sakit from blood stains sa nipper sa previous costumer ng pedikurista.

kung di ako nagpatanggal ng ingrowns di ko sana nararanasan ito ngayon...ang babae nga naman oh. di ko na hahayaan pang mangyari ito sa magiging anak ko, pramis. :)